African American Couple

For the Neurotypical Partner

For Individuals whose Partners are on the Autism Spectrum (AS)

If your partner has the ability to respond to your emotional state with understanding and empathy, you are very fortunate.

But if you are reading this, you are probably suffering from the hard-won realization that your relationship is draining your sense of who you are, your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and your self-image. You may be suffering painful loneliness, the kind that can only come from the shattered dreams of intimacy experienced in private behind the closed doors of an empty relationship. You may be suffering from depression and anxiety, or a host of physical ailments. 

If your partner is a respected professional, and kind to strangers, you might fear that people would think you're crazy to complain. So you keep it to yourself. And you suffer. And you silently feel as if you are falling apart. More than likely, you blame yourself. You say to yourself: 

    I am too needy 

    I ought to be more patient

    I should learn not to expect so much

    No one is perfect

And then you cry yourself to sleep. Again. 

How I Can Help

Low self-esteem, shattered self-confidence, and broken self-image define individuals in empty partnerships. Loneliness dominates their lives. These issues arise any time when one partner is incapable of expressing himself/herself emotionally. If AS is present in a partner, lonely days and nights can become the norm.

Communication problems are inherent in the relationship between a partner with AS and one who does not. This is the root of the pain and frustration. Each partner anticipates that the other thinks in much the same way as he/she does. With AS, this is not the case. The differences are significant.

You can learn about these differences.

I can help you to move forward in your life, and regain the sense of self that once defined you to yourself and to the world. Whether you decide to remain with your partner or leave, by the time you reach your decision, you will feel prepared.

My Story

While working as a psychotherapist with gifted individuals and individuals with AS, I realized I was attracting more and more individuals to my practice who were in partnerships with someone who showed continuous compromised or absent ability to communicate their own emotional states, or to recognize or honor the emotional states of their partners. The distress and pain these individuals experienced drove us to creating action plans:

~  to help them see things clearly,  

~  to recognize their own strengths and goals

~  to separate their identities from the identities of their partners

~  to learn new ways to meet the legitimate needs for intimacy, companionship, and security.  

Sometimes this involved divorce planning. Other times, it involved learning ways of communicating their own needs and feelings more clearly. The pain they expressed was similar, regardless of the particular situations of their relationships. Many of their partners had Asperger Syndrome, often undiagnosed, but many did not. 

My work shifted from psychodynamic and cognitive behavioral therapy to coaching individuals and also couples through the process of creating actual and workable plans of action from a life-planning perspective. 

Why I Choose to Work with Individuals Just Like You 

1) I know that your pain can be relieved.

2) coaching is positive work that offers individuals in distress concrete means of managing their difficult relationships, or of creating plans to leave them.

3) it opens my services to people in all countries and all states, which is important because I receive letters from all around the world seeking my help. I was saddened that I was unable to provide it to anyone but residents of my own state while working as a psychotherapist.

4) it provides a unique niche of support for an intimate problem that is largely ignored or unrecognized in our society today 

5) it allows me to validate the experience of individuals whose experiences are similar to those of individuals in abusive marriages, because the effect of neglect and emotional distance is the same even when the intent to abuse is absent. 

6) it gives individuals the opportunity to understand that their experiences are not isolated, and that there is a world of people in similar circumstances, who have experienced and survived similar relationships.